I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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