My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
