Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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