Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we're making bets on your personal life
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
