At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
