dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
