C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
