your parents love me but you hate me
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
