you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize