PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
