In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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