What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
