hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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