WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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