I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
