Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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