God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
