I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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