I hope mine doesn't look like that
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
