I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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