I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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