I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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