Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
