I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
