i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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