We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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