I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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