i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize