I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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