Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This is my gift to your gina
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just forgot I was standing up.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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