i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
