My first STD was from a foam party
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
