dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Your cock deserves a montage
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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