We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
