hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
