just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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