She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
