And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
