TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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