i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
