We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Randomize
