why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize