Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
