Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
