Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Sorry my hands just texted you
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
