The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
