Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
