Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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