I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
