TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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