I hope mine doesn't look like that
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
