I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
