Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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