just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Terrible idea I love it
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
