just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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