im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
