My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
