Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
