I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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