my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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