oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
