I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize