I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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