so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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