All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
