Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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