I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
