After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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