Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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