I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
