If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My balls are so social today.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
