We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Will you blow on my dice?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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