I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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