fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
